I have been struggling for the past few weeks with my running. I took a week off because I had to travel out of state for a wedding, and running just did not make it into my schedule while I was gone. When I got home I tried going for a shorter walk just up and down my road and I really struggled to do that. I have been on a couple walks since then and each has left me feeling far worse then I had before. Over the past week I have become incredibly discouraged to the point where it’s been keeping me up at night, and when I do fall asleep I have nightmares about not being able to finish the 10 mile run I have in October.
Tonight I made the goal to go for a 5k walk, but I hit about 1 1/2 and I had to turn back and head home. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest and I was in quite a bit of chest pain. I was just so frustrated with myself that I wanted to cry. It is normal for me to be on IV antibiotics to treat my Pseudomonas every three months and September marks my third month/ I was really hoping that all this exercise would have good impact on my health and help me delay that hospitalization. I am afraid my ambitions were to hopeful and that it may not be the case.
I am not giving up though, far from it! This is just motivation for me to try harder and keep going! I am sorry it’s been so long since I posted I will start being better about that. I have some cool pictures and a story about the wedding I went to I will share soon. There is actually little about the wedding more about how i got there. It was my first ever train ride! and maybe also my last.